Depression

Dear Friend,

I have lived with depression my whole life. When I say "lived with it" I mean that literally because three of my family members suffer from it. My dad and I don'tm but Saya, Meg and my mom do. I've seen Saya laying in a hospital bed and had to leave her their overnight so they could keep her on suicide watch. Meg too.

In 8th grade, I met several people who had severe depression, but they were so young, alot of them didn't even recognize it. A few did and I talked with them for hours about cutting and what they were feeling. I gave them advice my sisters told me to give them, or things I'd learned about depression from seeing it everyday. Slowly, depression seemed to leave alot of them. It was a situational low for some. One is still suffering but is coming along very well.

I became close to a boy in 9th grade who I immediately recognizes as a depression victim. I told him I knew. He couldn't believe it, but I explained to him it was in my home, so I understood to some extend. I helped him however I could and he told me his story. He wrote poetry to help him and other people understand what he's going through.

I met one of the most admirable young men I've met in my whole life my sophmore year. I knew right of the bat he was suffering from very severe depression. I watched it get worse but never said a word. He was always so happy and he convinced alot of people he was all bubbly and loved life. One day, I noticed a word cut into his arm. "Weak." It only confirmed what I already figured. My dear friend was cutting. Just like my sisters had for years, and like so many friends I've had before. For two years, I've watched him go through all this. He's talked to me about it sometimes and told me his story. It was one of emptiness and meanness. He's going to start doing better soon. He's been in the hospital at least twice and was sent to rehab for a few weeks as well, which didn't help. But he's starting off on a new path now and I think his friends are going to be there for him.

When I was in Wizard of Oz, I met a really cool boy. He had chemical depression and I've watched him go through it for years. He's talked to my sisters alot about it and I've tried to do all I could to be there for him. I remember once, all his friends ditched him and posted vidoes about what a looser they thought he was. I was at a party with him a few nights later. He looked like he was going to start crying, so I reached over and held his hand. We didn't let go all night. I haven't talked to him in a few months and we've kind of lost touch. He goes to a different school that's not close by. I'll never forget when he told me that he was cutting. I already knew of course, but what I didn't know is that he didn't have any more space on his legs to cut. He always worse jeans and I recognized he was hiding scares and new cuts, but this was bad. I don't know how he's doing.

I have a friend who isn't allowed to drive because they don't know if she'll drive off the road on purpose. I know the boy who was best friends with Jeremy and clogs up almost any emotion. I'm pretty sure he has depression. I could name at least 5 others.

There are so many different stories out there and each one is full of heartache. Chemical depression is real. The brain refuses to send out signals that allows you to feel the emotion you are trying to experience. Situational depression is real. It's a fancy name for "going through something no one should have to go through and struggling to find happiness in the midst of so much pain."

I've cut once in my life on accident. I know what it's like when your brain shuts off for a second and you grab something and hurt yourself because physical pain might release the emotional. It's different for everyone. Each story is unique and each individual needs love and support. I've had situational depression when my friend killed himself. I've seen countless individuals struggle with this. We've all exprienced a common trial in our lives. Perhaps some of us see people in physical pain very often. I've seen depression. Alot. I understand it more than some and I'm here to help. I'm here to help people who have other trial understand those who are suffering from depression. It's a goal of mine to explain what it does to the chemicals in the body, the emotions, the brain and the life of the person going through it to anyone who thinks it's fake, unreal, or just doesn't understand it very well. It's a small things I can do for this big world.